I'm FREE!

Well, there you have it. I am a free girl. No more being a soldier, no more wearing uniforms or taking crap orders from crap people. Now, I'm truly a master to myself. And it feels good.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I dragged on going to sleep for ages and even found myself tidying up and throwing out old food from the fridge at midnight. I don't know what possessed me to do that, maybe I just didn't really want to go to sleep. When I finally did go to bed, I twisted and turned for ages. Eventually I opened the TV because watching TV at night always makes my eyes burn and me tired. So I watched some English documentary about the murder of our Prime Minister Itzhak Rabin in 1995 on channel 8 and then went on to watching some documentary about the reunion of the Spice Girls on channel 24. Yeah, two unlikely choices. Shows how desperate I was. When the Spice Girls thing ended, it was 15 minutes to 1am so I closed the TV and finally went to sleep.

This morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock. I hadn't turned it on in a while so it sounded strange waking up to Panic At The Disco's "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off", again. I got dressed and ready and left home with my army bag on my shoulder. The walk to the bus stop was exhausting and the bus drive wasn't a lot of fun with me having to stand cause the bus was full, even at 9:30am! I thought it was only busy before 8am. On my way I was listening to Jack's Mannequin a lot. "The Resolution" became my release anthem. "I'm alive, I don't need a reason to know that I survived. I'm not looking for forgiveness. I just need light. I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution". These words really spoke to me with the journey I've gone through in the army and the fact I survived it. So okay, my life was never at risk, but metaphorically speaking here. And I survived this experience. And I'm not looking for anyone's forgiveness. I did this, and I did it my way. Go Frankie. The last part of the chorus talks about needing a light in the dark in search of the resolution, which I need as I step to my independent life in grown-up land. It's quite a frightening step to be taken and I need light to guide me to the right direction... I also listened to "Bloodshot" and the part "I'm so tired. Come on, look me in my bloodshot eyes" spoke volumes at how I felt. I'm just tired of this service. The past two years have been draining both physically and mentally and I'm so relieved it's finally over.

When I got to the Kyria, I sat waiting around for Yael, one of the girls from Yohalan, to do my release form with me. It's a form that requires you to go all over the Kyria, return the stuff the army gave you (uniforms, belt, beret, shoes, personal bandage, pepper spray and more) and then sign off in different areas of the base to let them all know I am no longer their responsibility.

While I waited, I sat for a lame-ass conclusion conversation with my direct commander Orit, that really just wanted to get it over and done with. This is something she's obligated to do. I also got to sit a bit with Shlomit, the officer in our section and a kick-ass girl, and sit with Shai our computers tech and with my replacement, (c'est bon pour le) Moral. I even gave Moral my unit tag, writing a short dedication on the back of it.

So we started the release form with logistics, to get rid of the massively heavy bag (my shoulders ache as I type from carrying that bag around). We put the bag next to some door and the girl at logistics wrote down that I returned everything. She didn't ask for half of the stuff there nor did she check they were actually there. I could've gotten away with stealing half of those stuff. But I honestly just didn't want to leave anything behind. She then sent me to registration to do god knows what. The dumbass at registration couldn't work the computer program he needed so he told me to come back later. So I went to the security officer and return the special ID card that allowed me to log onto army network (it's a security measure so other people won't log on sitting at our computers and get secret information from them... like I have any secret information there). We then proceeded to the operations brigade to get my form signed there too (not sure why) and then went to the service conditions office to get it signed as well.

At this point my aunt arrived and after a lot of confusion over the many gates of the Kyria, we got her in and unloaded the ridiculous amount of food for my release party. I left her to start sorting things out and went to get some Coca Cola, Nestea and water bottles so we'll have something to drink.

After sorting through everything, we called everyone down to the basement where the celebration took place. People did speeches. A lot of speeches. My direct commander Orit spoke, my old commander Liora, the Yohalan deputy spoke, some of the officers - Yael and Oshrat - spoke, and then Yohalan spoke. She spoke a lot. And she brought tears to my eyes. Actually, I was pretty choked up through it all. All these people saying all of these good stuff about me... made me warm and fuzzy inside.

The girls at Yohalan also wrote me a real nice letter (to the left of this text). On the other side of the page were 3 stickers we made. The first was a quote of one of the officers when he said that "women are not alpacas, women are means of warfare". Don't ask. We didn't. The second was an inside joke said by Shelly, one of the more bitter and pessimistic officers in the unit when she said "Laugh hollowly, everything is for the best" (I swear it sounds better in Hebrew, I just couldn't find a way to translate it properly). The third and last one is my own quote, "There's a limit to every exploitation". Which actually rhymes in Hebrew. A picture of the quotes on the right side of this text.

My aunt was all swelling with pride at everything she heard about me. She was proper stoked to be there and I was glad at least one family member of mine was there to hear and see all of this. Grandma was supposed to come but couldn't because she had to watch over my aunt's kids. My mum and little sister are in Holland, my other sister is in the army and dad was supposed to be here with the handyman but the handyman was a no-show so dad was just at home. Pff. He could've come. Oh well.

Yehudith hugged me, twice. First when she walked into the basement for the release party, and then again when she left. I was really glad she made it and very thankful she stopped her English lesson to make it.

After everyone ate enough to feed a third world country, and couldn't stop complimenting the food and asking my aunt for recipes and whether she was selling her hummus (Liora, the Yohalan deputy, even asked to adopt my grandmother), the officers scattered and I stayed to sit around with the girls, who gave me three gifts. The first was "The Trial" by Kafka. I once or twice mentioned Gregor Samsa from Kafka's "Metamorphosis" and they remembered it. Which is nice, cause I always wanted to read "The Trial". It's also very VERY fitting that I get THIS BOOK as a gift from people at the army. This book is where the term "Kafkaesque" came from, which always directly related to the army for me.
The second gift was a neat T-shirt that says "I wish my lawn was EMO so it would cut itself". AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Spot on. I mentioned the song "Emo Kid" and taught them the meaning of "emo" when one of the girls', Meital, ex-boyfriend sent her some uber-emo text messages. And they remembered and got me this t-shirt. Hee! Love itttt. I'm gonna try and wearing it in England when I go there in November. Granted, it's a shirt t-shirt so I'll have to wear it over a longer one but oh well, I'll manage. This is too cool to miss out.

The third gift was a two-parter. An old-school "Panic! At The Disco" pin (yeah, with the exclamation mark!) and a stone sort of thing that's supposed to bring me calmness. HAH. Good one, girls.

After we cleaned up and aunt went back home, I went to finish my release form. First I had to wait for registration boy to get his program to work. He was attempting to pick on me but I wouldn't have any of his crap so he felt a bit frustrated. Especially due to the fact he has a year and one month left to serve and today he released probably more people than months he has left to serve. Hah. Poor guy. So when that useless idiot finally got his program to work, he sent me to get my form signed elsewhere. In that office, someone else was being released so they had a lame-ass release party with some snacks and lame music.

After I was done with logistics, I went outside the Kyria to the clinic to get my form signed there too. That was that. All that was left was to return to the unit, get my release certificate (that ended up getting there on time) and cut my army ID in half. I felt great pleasure at cutting it in half. I've waited so long for it and it finally happened.

After sitting with the girls for a little while more, I said my goodbyes and got more hugs than I bargained for, and left. As I left the Kyria, a huge sight of relief was erupted and I felt... human again. "The Resolution" was played yet again as I made my way to the bus stop and back home.

On my way home, and despite being drenched in sweat (it was hotter than hell today), I went to aunt Vicky's house (thank God she lives across the street from me now) to get some leftovers food from today (I didn't really eat at the release party, was, admittedly, too emotional to eat) as well as the painting my grandma made for my room. Got back home, talked to mum on the phone, talked to dad in the living room and then took a nice freezing cold shower. Called grandma to thank her for everything she cooked for me and for the wonderful painting, and then sat to watch Survivor: All Stars and eat my lunch.

Quite an eventful day. Phew! I'm glad mum's only coming back Tuesday night instead of tonight. I can't be bothered cleaning the house today.