Emo kid

This is going to be an emo post. I just feel odd. Pretty odd. Pun was somewhat intended, I just couldn't resist myself.

I feel like my soul is trapped in a cage, banging it, screaming to be let out. Not to kill myself, though, that's pathetic. I just feel like my head is spinning. My world is spinning. Watching Dexter season 2 episode 11 in the middle of the night does that to a person. It helps that my state of mind has been rocky for a while now. That I've been slowly but surely losing the plot. For 2 years now that the army's been eating away at what high school left of my sanity. I became a lot more assertive. A lot more aggressive. I can hardly control my rage anymore. And when I try to, it bottles up into a scary monster. Something that bursts at full blow and demolishes everything around it.
I've tried to be patient these last couple of days. Play it smart, be a diplomat. A lot of good that did me. Why won't they leave me alone? Why won't they leave me the fuck alone? Why is everything a constant battle? Why do I have to fight to get what I deserve? Why do I have to ram myself into a brick wall? Everything I do, every battle I fight, it's all to achieve one purpose: get the fuck out of the army faster. Cutting 30 days off my service. Fighting for these days off so I can have a nice send-off of a week or so before the release date, to just sit at home and relax. Reflect on all that had happened these past 2 years. How much I've changed. Whether I've really become a better person like I'd like to believe I have, or whether I've just continued on my way to become the monster I was always meant to be. No. Watching Dexter at midnight is hardly helpful. Great, the voices are back. Oh Dex. Stop talking in my head. These are first signs of insanity. Least I'm aware of them.